Inability To Have Self-Compassion
Yesterday didn’t go as planned. Common trend for 2020, right? You know what’s real? Society’s obsession with how men can’t fail, or have feelings of inadequacies & fear, that we must be tough 24/7, “don’t let them see you cry”, “stand up and shake it off”, and the atypical ability to have self-compassion. But I think we really do this to ourselves. Probably passed down from previous generations.
So what happened?
I failed not 1 but 2 proctored licensing exams yesterday and instead of giving myself some self-compassion, I immediately began to beat myself up. Mind you, this isn’t new behavior…it’s something I’ve struggled with for years. If something doesn’t go as planned like passing a test, I’d immediately attack my person. Shouldn’t be that big of a deal, right?
I watched a 15 minute TED Talk last night about ‘Perfectionism’. The speaker did mention that most generations have suffered from perfectionism, but people born in the 1980s and consequently with each generation since has seen a drastic increase in perfectionism. He cited how others perceive us being the most common. For me, mine’s a bit different. My perfectionism stems from not being able to accept failures, setbacks, making a bigger deal out of things than they really are, & things not going as planned. TED Talk Perfectionism
Here’s the thing…It’s NOT like I can’t take those tests again! Today, my focus is on allowing myself to have setbacks and accept that they are part of life. I’m working on positive motivational tactics to keep me locked in. I share this because it helps me read my thoughts, but in case there are other guys out there that might need to read this.
Don’t beat yourself up, have some self-compassion.